Loose beads - Part #2
It was sooooo nice to see my university girlfriends! I missed them so much. For the umpteenth time I realized that I MUST be in company to feel happy. Does it mean that I am a boring person and can’t be happy with just myself as company? Hope not, it’s just being sociable. Everything is just so much more colorful, tasty and exciting when you share it. It’s a cliché, but how true!
Anyways, my girlfriends I left behind in Warsaw seem as confused as me. Monika, who has always been a little spaced out, is now even more, as she can’t adapt herself back to the Polish grayness after a 3-year stay in the south of Spain, on a scholarship. No wonder, frankly. It is quite a clash - the turquoise sea and constant warmth, and of course the vibrant colors, compared to slushy gloomy streets of our capital in winter. And she used to love that city. She is now trying desperately to revive the echoes of that former emotion, but to no avail so far. I really feel sorry for her because I remember how I felt down in the dumps after coming back from the US or England, which are not as sunny and pretty as the south of Spain. It took me about three months to recover, mind you that I spent in both places no longer than a year! Now, Gosia has a problem of a different nature. She fell for a married American. Well, he fell for her first. He says it is all over with his wife. But it will never be over with his kids, which he has three, I am afraid, and that’s what is bothering her the most. I think she could live with the fact that he’s (nearly) divorced, the kids, though, will always flagrantly remind her of his past. It is a conflict taken straight from an ancient drama: she can’t stand his seeing the kids but on the other hand, it would be even worse if he was neglecting them. Dear Agony Aunt, what should I do...?
And why am I confused? Because sociable as I might be, I discovered that with age winning friends becomes just harder and harder... Anyone who’d say that a few years ago I would call a liar and loser. Now I am experiencing it. Maybe I just need more time? Remember, dear, that most people have had their friends from sandbox and kindergarten times, alternatively from school or university times. In my case my best friends either left the country or I left them behind by coming back to the seaside, where I learnt that my school buddies live a completely different life, have different values and goals (or don’t have them at all, which is even sadder). And new people I meet have old friends that they need to take care of... Another reason of my confusion is not feeling anywhere quite at home anymore. They say that traveling educates you. I believe in it, but I also believe that it makes you emotionally unstable. You are not happy anymore with what you were given. You start to believe that grass is really greener on the other side and when you get to the other side it turns out that maybe the grass is greener, but people suck! And then you start thinking whether you prefer the green green grass elsewhere or great people back home. You think you know the answer but when you face the reality you think again that maybe you were wrong... I guess I really should see my shrink.